Growing through the Social Dynamics of the Metaverse
Last night at our weekly BridgeMakers meetup we talked about navigating the drama of the rumor mill in social VR. We reviewed reflective listening, bypassing the hostility (or emotional vomit) by getting to the heart of the matter (finding the golden nugget to build relationship on!), and offering grace in the cancel culture grind of such an interpersonally loose landscape. We also made up some wild rumors about “heyuh” to practice understanding the difference between misinformation, disinformation, and malinformation!
Waking up, I’m realizing how we are all on our own unique journeys through self-awareness, growth, and social engagement. The social metaverse is ever expanding, and in it, we see a mix of people at different stages of learning and unlearning. VR is like a reflection of real life—but with a twist. Instead of just being a space to escape, it magnifies everything. Issues around diversity, equity, and inclusion become more visible, but so do the struggles we face navigating them.
Unlike physical spaces where you’re forced to see your neighbors every day and slowly build relationships, the metaverse is international, intergenerational, and intra-dimensional. You could be talking to a 15-year-old in Brazil one minute and a 60-year-old in Japan the next. The emotional range is as wide as the internet itself, and things can get intense quickly. That’s why people can find themselves moving between different stages of engagement—from working on it to woke, from wiped back to what?.
This cycle isn’t linear—it’s more like a rollercoaster, where you might feel confident and woke one day, and then totally exhausted and wiped the next. If you’ve spent any significant time in VR, you’ve probably experienced a bubble pop—that moment when the trust and curiosity you first found in the virtual world shatters. It’s a disillusionment of sorts, but also part of the process. Here’s what that journey looks like in the metaverse.
Working on It: Learning and Unlearning in VR
So you’re working on it. This stage is all about learning, making mistakes, and figuring out how to navigate the complexities of inclusivity in a world where you might interact with people from every walk of life in a single session. In VR, you’re curious. You might ask questions, screw up, and then get called out for it—but instead of getting defensive, you listen and adjust.
Example:
Let’s say you choose an avatar that unintentionally appropriates another culture, not realizing the harm it could cause. A fellow user takes the time to DM you about why it’s problematic, and you take the feedback to heart. You apologize, change your avatar, and start thinking more carefully about the representation. This is a sign that you’re working on it—you’re open to growth.
Signs of Working on It in VR:
• Curiosity: You’re not afraid to ask questions, even if it’s uncomfortable.
• Open to correction: When someone calls you out or educates you, you listen, reflect, and make changes.
• Real-time unlearning: You may not get it right the first time, but you’re adjusting and unlearning biases as you go.
Challenges:
• Overload: VR is fast-paced, and social rules can be overwhelming. You’re constantly exposed to new people and cultures, which can feel like a lot to take in.
• Fear of mistakes: The thought of saying the wrong thing can make you hesitate. You might want to engage, but you’re worried about getting it wrong.
For more on how to help people who are working on it, check out the [Reframing Lurkers as Learners] template. It’s all about creating a space where people can learn and make mistakes without fear of being judged.
Woke: Practicing Allyship in VR
Once you’ve learned a bit more, you might find yourself in the woke stage. This is where you start taking action, making sure that the VR spaces you inhabit are more inclusive, diverse, and safe for everyone. You’re not just watching things happen—you’re shaping the community. Maybe you’re organizing events, educating others, or calling out bad behavior when you see it. But with great power comes great responsibility, and being woke isn’t always easy. It can be draining.
Example:
Imagine you host an event in VR focused on LGBTQ+ representation, creating a safe space for marginalized voices to be heard. You actively moderate, ensuring that harmful comments don’t derail the conversation, and gently guide others toward a better understanding of inclusivity. You’re woke—you’re not just an ally; you’re leading by example.
Signs of Being Woke in VR:
• Hosting events: You’re organizing discussions, panels, and workshops on important social justice issues.
• Setting norms: You’re helping shape what’s acceptable and what isn’t in the VR spaces you frequent.
• Bridging the virtual and real: You don’t see VR as an escape from real-world issues; instead, you use it to amplify the social justice work you do offline.
Pitfalls of Being Woke:
• Woke policing: Sometimes, woke individuals can come off as overly harsh or critical, especially toward those who are still in the learning phase.
• Burnout (Wiped): Being woke is emotionally taxing. If you’re constantly putting in the work and feel like you’re not seeing results, burnout is inevitable.
For a way to engage with your community and communicate transparently, check out the [participation engagement ] template. It’s a guide to keeping your energy up without losing sight of your goals.
Wiped: The Burnout Phase in VR
Let’s be real—no matter how passionate you are about advocating for change, there comes a time when the weight of it all catches up with you. That’s the wiped stage, where you’re just plain exhausted. You’ve been putting in the emotional labor of creating safer spaces, calling out harmful behaviors, and doing the work—but now you’re wiped. In VR, it’s easy to burn out because you’re immersed in it 24/7, and there’s no easy way to log off from the emotional weight of it all.
Example:
You used to host weekly events, moderate forums, and be the go-to person for hard conversations. But now, you’re avoiding notifications, skipping events, and not responding to DMs. You’re not engaged anymore—not because you don’t care, but because you’ve reached your limit. It’s time to step back.
Signs of Being Wiped:
• Withdrawal: You stop organizing events and participating in discussions.
• Exhaustion: Advocacy feels more like a chore than a passion.
• Resentment: You start feeling like all your hard work is going unnoticed or unappreciated, and it frustrates you.
Strategies for Managing Burnout:
• Set boundaries: Take a break from advocacy and let yourself rest. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
• Find your people: Surround yourself with a supportive community that shares the emotional labor, so you’re not doing everything alone.
• Reevaluate your role: Maybe it’s time to step back from leadership and move into a more supportive, background role.
For more strategies on preventing burnout, check out the [Burnout Prevention for Leaders Facing Lurkers] template . It’s all about maintaining balance and avoiding the wiped stage.
What?: The Wandering Phase
The what? stage is where it all circles back to the beginning. Whether you started here or end up here after burnout, it’s a phase of disconnection. You’re not fully engaged, not curious anymore, and maybe even feeling apathetic. You’re wandering through VR spaces, unsure of what to contribute or why you’re even there. The question “what?” that you asked with curiosity when you first entered VR has now become a resigned “uhhhh…” as you drift without purpose.
Example:
You’re bouncing from one VR event to another, not really committing to any community. You’re present, but you’re not really there. Maybe you’re tired of the emotional labor, or maybe you never fully understood what role you wanted to play in the first place.
Signs of Being in the What? Stage:
• Disengaged: You’re not causing harm, but you’re not contributing either. You’re just floating.
• Indifferent: VR feels like a distraction, not a space to connect or build.
• Avoiding accountability: You’re not interested in reflecting on how your presence—or lack of it—affects the communities you float through.
Want to help someone move out of the what? stage? Use the [Community Engagement Survey] template to reconnect them with their sense of purpose.
The Butterfly and the Moth: Symbols of Our VR Journey
Both the butterfly and the moth serve as powerful metaphors for how we navigate and grow within VR communities. These two creatures embody different aspects of transformation and adaptation, reflecting the dynamic experiences of users in virtual spaces. Just as butterflies symbolize emergence, beauty, and joy, moths represent resilience, growth in darkness, and the quiet work of change.
In VR, we are like butterflies—drawn to the excitement of creating new worlds, connecting with others in soulful ways, and experiencing the romanticism of renewal. The vibrant, colorful spaces we explore and build in VR are much like the wings of a butterfly, representing our dreams, creativity, and the environment we shape through immersive experiences. Virtual reality can feel like a place of boundless possibilities, where we emerge from our cocoons and participate in beautiful transformations.
Yet, we are also like moths—drawn to the light even when we’re feeling tired or worn out by the physical world. Many of us turn to VR as an escape from daily stresses, seeking comfort in virtual spaces. But this retreat is not just about escaping reality; it’s an opportunity for reflection and quiet growth. Like moths navigating the night, we can use the light of understanding and empathy to guide us through the darkness of burnout or disconnection.
VR can serve as a chrysalis, a safe space where we can recharge, evolve, and eventually re-emerge into both the virtual and physical worlds with renewed energy and purpose. Whether we are embracing the joyous creativity of the butterfly or the quiet, persistent transformation of the moth, both journeys are necessary.
Being wiped doesn’t mean giving up. In fact, we can be wiped and woke at the same time, using VR to step back, reflect, and reconnect with the values we hold dear. This retreat allows us to return to our lives—and building the world we want to be in—with greater resilience and new perspectives.
This duality between the moth and the butterfly reminds us that transformation comes in many forms. Whether we are soaring in the light, shaping new realities, or quietly evolving in the shadows, VR offers us the chance to be both—to reflect, recharge, and emerge with a deeper understanding of ourselves and the communities we belong to.
Bridging the Gap: From ‘What?’ to Woke
Whether you’re working on it, woke, wiped, or ‘what’ the journey is never finished. People will bounce between stages as they navigate the metaverse, and that’s okay. The key is reflection and support—knowing when it’s time to rest and when it’s time to re-engage.
Engagement Strategies for Different Groups:
These tables outline the stages people may experience in VR communities, along with guidance for navigating each one. Whether you’re learning, leading, feeling exhausted, or drifting, these suggestions offer ways to engage meaningfully and find balance.
Working on It
| Signs | Pitfalls | What to Do if You Find Yourself Here |
|---|---|---|
| Curiosity: Asking questions, eager to understand. | Overload: Feeling overwhelmed by the fast pace and social rules of VR. | Take it slow: Focus on one area of learning at a time. Participate in low-stakes activities first. |
| Open to correction: Responds positively to feedback, modifies behavior. | Fear of mistakes: Hesitating to engage fully due to fear of saying the wrong thing. | Embrace mistakes: Use mistakes as opportunities for growth. Don’t fear correction—it’s part of the process. |
| Unlearning in real-time: Actively working on biases and adapting in the moment. | Find a mentor: Look for a supportive community or individual to guide you through your learning journey. |
Woke
| Signs | Pitfalls | What to Do if You Find Yourself Here |
|---|---|---|
| Hosting events: Organizing discussions, panels, or workshops focused on social justice. | Woke policing: Risk of alienating others by being overly critical or confrontational. | Lead with empathy: Approach corrections with understanding. Educate, don’t lecture. |
| Setting norms: Helping to shape community expectations, calling out harmful behavior. | Burnout: Emotional fatigue from constantly leading or advocating, leading to the wiped stage. | Set boundaries: Make time for self-care and avoid taking on too many responsibilities at once. |
| Bridging virtual and real: Bringing real-world activism into VR spaces. | Delegate: Share the emotional and organizational labor with others. Don’t carry the burden alone. |
Wiped
| Signs | Pitfalls | What to Do if You Find Yourself Here |
|---|---|---|
| Withdrawal: Stepping back from organizing or participating in events. | Resentment: Feeling like efforts are unnoticed or unappreciated, leading to frustration. | Rest: Take a break and don’t feel guilty about it. Revisit your passion for community at your own pace. |
| Exhaustion: Advocacy feels like a burden rather than a passion. | Complete disengagement: Risk of permanently leaving the community due to emotional exhaustion. | Reconnect slowly: Engage in small ways that feel energizing, like attending events rather than hosting them. |
| Find support: Reach out to friends or peers for advice, or join a supportive community to lean on. |
What?
| Signs | Pitfalls | What to Do if You Find Yourself Here |
|---|---|---|
| Disengaged: Floating through VR spaces without contributing meaningfully. | Indifference: Seeing VR purely as entertainment, avoiding real community-building or accountability. | Reignite curiosity: Explore new topics or events in VR that spark interest or challenge your perspective. |
| Indifferent: Present, but without deeper commitment or purpose. | Avoiding accountability: Leaving unresolved conflicts and avoiding reflection on impact. | Challenge the system: Find ways to question norms or push boundaries in micro-moves that prompt others to adapt and grow. |
| Create something new: Channel your energy into content creation, whether it’s writing, or starting a new kind of conversation, or even building virtual spaces, to foster creativity and purpose. |
Embrace Your Transformation
Whether you’re woke like the butterfly or wandering like the moth, both represent important parts of the VR journey. The butterfly is the symbol of connection, creation, and hope—where we spread our wings and engage with others in meaningful ways. The moth reminds us of the need for reflection and rest—where we withdraw into the darkness to heal, recharge, and emerge stronger.
In social VR, we are both. We are the creators and the wanderers, the advocates and the dreamers. The bridge between the butterfly and the moth is empathy and respect—not just for others, but for ourselves. It’s empathy that guides us through these phases and helps us navigate the intense highs and lows of the metaverse. And it’s respect that keeps us grounded, ensuring that the communities we create are ones where we can all thrive.
So whether you’re in a phase of working on it, feeling charged up and woke, burned out and wiped, or just trying to figure out what?, remember this: VR is a space for transformation. Allow yourself the room to grow, retreat, and re-emerge when you’re ready.
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