BridgeMakers

A Conflict Resiliency Frame for VR Community Builders

Embracing “Calling In” Over “Cancel Culture”

Do you know the difference between resolving conflicts and building conflict resiliency? While conflict resolution focuses on finding immediate solutions to disagreements, conflict resiliency is about developing the capacity to navigate ongoing tensions, adapt, and grow through them.

Social VR is a fluid interpersonal landscape, where identities, spaces, and relationships can shift rapidly, and resiliency is crucial. The goal isn’t just to “fix” conflicts but to create communities that thrive through differences, where members learn to engage with each other compassionately and productively over time. This resiliency, rather than just resolution, is key to fostering sustainable, inclusive environments in VR.

In these virtual spaces, the dynamics of cancel culture often emerge in conversations about accountability, communication, and social change. While canceling individuals or groups for perceived or real missteps might bring temporary change, it can also deepen divisions and perpetuate the idea that people are disposable. This undermines the potential for meaningful community growth, especially in VR, where avatars and digital spaces already create degrees of separation from reality.

There’s a more constructive approach to addressing these issues: Calling In. Instead of focusing on exclusion and punishment, Calling In centers around empathy, dialogue, and community growth. This method emphasizes education, collaboration, and inclusivity, offering a path forward that strengthens the VR community as a whole.

Here’s a Calling In Recipe tailored for VR Community Builders, providing a framework for healthier, more resilient interactions.

1. Appreciation of What is Working Start by recognizing the beneficial contributions of the individual or group. What values do you share? What have they done well? This builds a foundation of mutual respect and goodwill, which is vital for opening up constructive dialogue.

2. Identifying What Isn’t Working Communicate specific behaviors or actions that aren’t working, focusing on how they’ve impacted the community or yourself personally. Make sure this step remains about growth, avoiding blame. This helps create a space for reflection and understanding rather than defensiveness.

3. Curiosity Ask questions to better understand the thought process or circumstances that led to the actions or decisions in question. Genuine curiosity encourages openness and allows for deeper understanding, which is especially important in VR communities where diverse cultural and personal experiences shape interactions.

4. Call to Action Offer actionable steps for improvement. These suggestions should be tailored to the individual’s or group’s capacity for change and growth. In VR spaces, where experimentation and creativity thrive, this step creates a pathway for meaningful, collaborative progress.

5. Consequence Be transparent about the consequences or boundaries you will be setting if the concerns aren’t addressed. This could be a personal decision to disengage from certain activities or broader community actions. The key here is to set clear, respectful boundaries while maintaining a spirit of accountability and openness.

Important Note Before You Begin:

Before engaging in the Calling In process, it is crucial to write out your thoughts for all of the steps outlined above. Having these points written down allows you to stay clear and focused during the conversation, especially in emotionally charged situations. If the conversation becomes difficult or miscommunication occurs, you’ll be prepared to send your words in text form to ensure your message is received as intended.

While written communication is valuable for clarity, the most effective Calling In happens in real-time conversations where tone, body language (in VR), and the dynamics of real dialogue are present. Attempt to meet in VR or over a voice call to reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings, which are more common in text-based conversations. If live conversation is not possible, or if clarity is required after the conversation, send a follow-up message summarizing the discussion.

(See below for a template you can copy/paste to build your Calling In Process)

Enhancing the Calling In Process: The Role of Allies in VR

In VR, where communities are often intersectional and diverse, the Calling In process becomes even more nuanced. Addressing issues related to systemic inequalities, cultural biases, or misunderstandings can be emotionally taxing—especially for those from marginalized backgrounds. Incorporating allies into the process can help share this burden, providing additional support and amplifying important voices.

Involving Allies in VR Spaces

• Leverage Support: An ally who shares more in common with the person being called in can help bridge the gap, providing a relatable perspective and easing tensions.

• Sharing the Emotional Load: Involving allies distributes the emotional labor of difficult conversations, helping those affected by systemic issues navigate them without burnout.

How Allies Can Assist in VR Communities

• Amplifying Voices: Allies can use their standing in the community to raise concerns more effectively, ensuring they are heard clearly and not dismissed.

• Acting as a Buffer: Allies can help absorb some of the initial defensive reactions, keeping the conversation on a constructive track.

• Fostering Accountability: When allies participate in the Calling In process, it reinforces the community’s commitment to mutual growth and accountability.

Choosing Allies in VR

• Alignment with Values: Make sure allies are aligned with the community’s core values and the desired outcomes of the Calling In process.

• Understanding Dynamics: Allies need to understand the unique power dynamics in VR, including the complexities of anonymity and digital identity.

• Commitment to Growth: The best allies are those who are also committed to their own learning and personal development.

Example from Ancients of VR: Transparency in Calling In and Calling Out

In Ancients of VR, a VR community known for fostering deep connections and shared values, the Calling In process is integral to their conflict management approach. For example, if a member’s behavior becomes disruptive, the community first engages in a Calling In process. The member is approached with compassion and curiosity, and the community works to understand the root of the conflict, offering actionable steps for growth and improvement. Allies often play a key role in this, supporting the individual as they work through the issues.

However, if after multiple attempts the behavior continues and a member is exited from the group, there is a transparent call-out process. The community is informed about the necessary details of the situation—why the member was asked to leave, what efforts were made to bridge the gap, and the steps taken to foster reconciliation before the decision to exit (or exile them) was made. This transparency ensures that the community understands the process was thought through and that all efforts were made to repair connection and inclusion before resorting to exclusion. It also reinforces the community’s commitment to accountability and growth, providing a model of how to navigate conflicts constructively while prioritizing the well-being of all members.

Final Thoughts:

The Calling In process offers VR communities an alternative to cancel culture, allowing for a more compassionate and inclusive way to handle conflicts while fostering growth and accountability. In a world where anonymity and rapidly shifting interactions can sometimes create misunderstandings or division, this approach helps build resilience and stronger, more connected communities. As VR continues to evolve, so too must our methods of communication and conflict resolution.

How are you fostering resiliency and accountability in your VR communities?

#Hashtags

#CallingIn #CommunityResilience #VRCommunityBuilding #ConflictResiliency #Accountability #Inclusivity #CompassionateConflict #AlliesInVR #GrowthMindset #VRLeadership #BridgeMakers

Template for Pre-Call In

Before initiating the conversation, take time to answer the following questions to help guide the interaction. This preparation will help you approach the situation thoughtfully and compassionately. Also, if the in person or voicecall doesn’t sit right, you will have the words ready to send as a follow-up, adjusting them to fit the tone of the conversation and reinforcing the invitation and boundaries that have been offered and set.

1. What is Working?

• What healthy contributions has the individual or group made?

• What shared values or common goals can you acknowledge?

• Example: “I appreciate how you’ve consistently been involved in organizing community events. Your commitment is really valuable.”

2. What Isn’t Working?

• What specific behaviors or actions are causing harm or friction?

• How have these actions personally affected you or the broader community?

• Example: “However, I noticed in recent meetings that there has been a lot of interrupting and dismissive language, which makes it difficult for others to contribute.”

3. What are You Curious About?

• What do you want to understand better about their perspective or decision-making process?

• How can you invite them to share their thoughts in a non-defensive way?

• Example: “I’m curious about what led to these changes in how we communicate. Could you share your perspective on why things have shifted this way?”

4. What is Your Call to Action?

• What are some concrete steps that the individual or group can take to address the issue?

• Are these actions realistic given the current context?

• Example: “I think we can create a better meeting flow if we start using a talking stick system, where only one person speaks at a time.”

5. What Consequences Will You Outline?

• If the situation doesn’t improve, what steps are you prepared to take?

• How will you ensure these consequences are communicated with respect and transparency?

• Example: “If the interruptions continue, I might need to step away from participating in these meetings because it’s impacting my ability to contribute meaningfully.”

Final Steps:

• Be patient and compassionate: Remember that growth takes time, and Calling In is about fostering understanding and collaboration, not rushing to judgment or action.

• Be open to feedback: While you’re initiating this process, also remain open to hearing the other person’s perspective fully. They may have insights or explanations that help create a path forward you hadn’t anticipated.

This level of preparation can help create a more thoughtful, empathetic, and productive conversation, allowing your VR community to address conflicts with greater resilience and a shared sense of accountability.